The false promise

May 4th 2015

Art's way of relaxing
Art’s way of relaxing


I had been hoping mother would be travelling with my elder sister when driving back from Murès to Villemarie. My sister Joe had sat mother for the last 7 days in order to give a rest to Julienne since she is the only one able to watch over mother. As i say i was hoping mother would come to Villemarie and i would have fetch her there during last week end. It seemed all perfect for a plan, except that Mom was terrified at the idea of leaving her cats and dog by themselves. Of course, we mentioned her that either Julienne or brother Hebert. could go feed them, but she was just uneasy with the idea, not to say rude. I have called my mom at least 3 times, since three weeks ago, while my brother Luis was there sitting her too, and then at least 4 times last week when it was Joe’s turn. Those last 4 times, we used Skype to communicate. On the phone, mother seemed fine, her tone was happy even though she would keep asking the same question over and over again. But on the visual screen, as she watch me, i keep wondering what she is thinking about, because she is not talking. She just watch me without saying nothing. When Joe is there, i talk with her, mom is beside and then she suddenly disappears out of the screen surface or frame. I asked sister Joe where mother went and her answer is pretty much always the same. She went after her dog or her cats. This is systematically the same affirmation mother does also.

– I have no more cats. All my cats are gone.

And we keep telling her that she has her three cats and that they are just hiding or sleeping somewhere. But she still goes in and out of the house, going upstairs, in the basement, in the garden, repeating the same gesture dozens of time per day.

When mother was brought to the Hospital for her mental evaluation 4 years ago, it became a period of high tension in the whole brother and sisterhood. My brother Hébert, who had been living with her most of his life, had decided to throw away lots of stuff in the house complaining about the fact that there was an epidemic of vermin and flees. So he threw every pieces of furniture of mom’s bedroom and living room, even carpets. And of course we believed him. Father mentioned to me later on that as brother Hébert was cleaning up things, he found out a dead baby cat mummified in a pile of clothes mother had just left there and was used as cats bed. When father was telling that story he seemed to be telling me that this did not made sense and that mother was going crazy with her cats, like how could she have left a dead stinky baby cat there? Well, at some points, there was more than 12 cats in the house and many of the females were pregnant in the summer of 2011. The smell of ammonia and cats excrement was floating in the air of the whole house. Especially upstairs. We discovered later on that the room i have been sleeping in when visiting had dried cat’s poo  hidden under the furniture, not to talk about all the piss that must have also been drying there for decades. No wonder why i became intolerant to this smell now.  I went there in July of that year 2011 in order to meet with Joe and do some cleaning of the house after the  »emptying »  Hébert had done. The girls would clean the whole mess up, of course. That is what women i there for, cleaning after men… But the plan changed because mom arrived in a taxi directly from my Uncle’s city where Luis and Joe had placed her in May 2011 to live with Uncle Clincey after mom was out of the hospital. This was like a choc for the two of us, me and Joe, since this was the last thing we were expecting. I can just imagine the state my mother was in. Crazy mom who paid her drive 250$ to free herself from a situation she was not comfortable with. Not bad a decision for someone with Alzheimer. Overall, that summer was a very difficult one. Hard to recall those painful memories. Many thing happened that i will write in some other Blog entries later on.

So, like i was saying, i had hope that mother was going to be able to travel up to Villamarie then to Bytown, but i was just giving myself some illusions. When talking on Skype with mother last week and asking her how she felt about the possibility of coming to Bytown, she did not really say no, but was worried about the animals. In fact, what i saw was a woman with not much reactions and not being able to focus on the screen. This was my last hope. Then Joe, in one of the last face-talked we had, said that mother was probably not going to travel because it would disrupt her routine and environment and she would possibly become worried and stressed. So instead, i am the one who will be travelling to sit her but for less days that was first planned. I will go next week for 4 days.

A false promise of freedom to mother who used to love to drive along the roads from one village to the other.

Love shakes

Why is it that everytime love surrounds me I start shaking and it is not of pleasure? When i was young, i have associated love with receiving a slap on my face or a belt on my back and legs. I have heard my mother complaning enough of my dad’s brutality and from my two foot height, nothing good could come from the love of a man. But not much either would come from the loving hand of my mother since she was  pretty good too on beating on her children, or at least on me.The difference between me and other kids who suffer is that i had a roof over my head and was too scared to go on my own. Oh! I did try to leave the parents house when i was about 5 year old, but i soon realized i could not survive on my own just yet. So i have counted the days until i was able to fly on my own.

Beating a child is the last  thing on earth that should be happening. Adults, whom are the mature and reasonnable creatures of  »God » should be the ones to blame but many child abusers are let free unpunished, not feeling any guilt and pursuing their  life and abusive acts. The damage done on children, the victims, is a life threat. The facts on  child abuse and neglect are  that  »1 in 10 children suffer from child maltreatment. 1 in 16 children suffer from sexual abuse. Nearly 1 in 10 children are witnesses to family violence (SafeHorizon, 2015) ». Leaving children in poverty is no better. How many of them are sleeping in the streets of Manilla or living in a dump?

I believe that a society led by a Government who is not taking care of their youth and children is also as guilty as any adults who is beating up and abusing a child. This is neglecting care for those who need it. Seeing it and not acting to solve the situation is part of the problem. If you believe that solutions and concrete actions should come from your Government and the Society you are in, please forward this message to your friends and family. I also invite you to do an action today to help a child in need : you can become a Big brother or a big sister, you can adopt or foster a child, you can write petitions or blogs, make a video or photos to comment and collect information in you city about children who are neglected and sensitize your community with it using social media lile Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook, etc. The choice is yours and this short list is just an example of what is possible. Keep the ball rolling.

Tabous et voleurs d’enfance

– Chut! Silence! garde ça pour toi, essaie d’oublier, ça va passer!

– Mais pourquoi?

– Parce que. C’est comme ça. Ça arrive.

– Mais pourquoi?

– Ça sert à rien d’en parler, je t’ai dit.

– Mais moi ça me fait mal, j’en ai mal au ventre, ça me fout les boules!

– Ça fait rien, endure ton mal, ça va finit par passer.

Presque 44 ans plus tard, rien n’est passé et la boule continue de s’enrouler dans l’estomac. Seul le silence veille sur la douleur de ces moments qu’il a fallu taire en secret, enfouis dans le cerveau reptilien. Nous étions des gamins, des gamines et notre enfance a été volée par ces mains d’hommes à la recherche de la douceur immature, de l’interdit, des parfums défendus, ceux de l’innocence.Tout le village a gardé la tête dans le sable : les parents, les épouses, les tantes comme les oncles qui n’en étaient pas, les grands-mères. Mes sœurs, mes cousines, mes voisines, mes frères, mes cousins, mes voisins, ont-ils eux aussi  gardé le silence? Combien parmi nous se sont fait abuser, un attouchement par ici, une menace par là, des doigts dans la culotte, une langue, une mauvaise haleine trop près du nez, une chute qui nous mène face contre terre, maintenu au sol ou à la banquette de la voiture; viens voir ici, assis toi sur ma cuisse, mets ta main ici serre moi fort; ne le dit pas sinon je ne te ramène pas à la maison, je te garde ici avec moi pour toujours… chut, tais-toi, je ne ferai pas mal, laisse toi faire.

Les abuseurs sexuels d’enfants ne s’exécutent pas seulement dans des pays émergents comme la Thaïlande, l’Afrique du Sud  (vidéo) ou le Brésil (attention cette vidéo montre des images violentes). Les villages de pays soit disant développés dont le Canada, la France, les États-Unis ont des histoires sordides qui sont étouffées faute de savoir comment s’en sortir.

Quelles solutions envisager afin de mettre à jour ces esprits tordus?
Quels mécanismes peut-on mettre en place pour faciliter la dénonciation anonyme de ces actes immondes?
Informez-vous d’abord, c’est votre devoir, en consultant le site de la Sureté du Québec sur les agressions à caractère sexuel et le Départament de la protection de la jeunesse pour signaler les enfants en situation d’abus ou de tout autre situation que vous considérez inquiétante.

Si vous êtes devenus adultes et que vous avez été victime d’agression, d’abus ou de violence sexuelle durant votre petite enfance, enfance, puberté ou adolescence sans l’avoir signalé ou en ayant gardé un silence qui vous fait mal, contactez un Centre d’aide aux victimes d’actes criminels (CAVAC) ou un Centre d’aide de lutte aux agressions à caractère sexuelle (CALACS) de votre région. Un centre CALACS existe également à Ottawa

N’hésitez pas à partager. Votre histoire est importante. Vous êtes importants et importantes. Rappelez-vous que ce qui vous est arrivé ne définit pas qui vous êtes et que l’espoir d’un  meilleur avenir existe. Donnez-vous la main et avancer vers votre avenir pour chercher de l’aide et sortir du silence.

J’ai également découvert un site en anglais, pour ceux qui parlent cette langue, très intéressant : To Write Love on her Arm.